第七十九章 愿天下光棍皆成眷属(第1页)
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“环境检测完毕,系统随机任务生成。,生成类型合理方式,生成任务级红娘任务请撮合现场某对情侣。成功后,即可将琴艺副职业升级至九级大圆满”
级红娘任务
周易看了看数百名隔湖夜唱情歌,直唱得老爷爷老奶奶红了脸、唱的月中嫦娥泪涟涟、唱的满船满湖上都是那媚眼儿飘啊飘,唱得一池寒水都变了满塘春色的大男大女们,顿时恍然大悟。
怪不得这系统还要对环境进行现场分析才能合成任务了,原来它也讲究一个应时应景儿。这幸亏自己是在中秋之夜、泛舟湖上,要是身处在硝烟弥漫的战场,系统还不得让自己去斩将夺旗,学学常山赵帅哥啊
周易打了个寒颤。幸亏自己够冷静,着慵懒之人一惯不求有功但求无过的想法,选择了合理方式触任务。这要是一时头脑不够冷静,选择了困难方式,那还不得让自己把现场的所有大男大女老头儿老太都撮合成两口子啊
一想到自己涂个红脸蛋儿、打个圆纸扇儿、头上插朵大红花、扭着小腰四处转儿,遇到脾气不好的大姑娘小伙子,没准还得冲着自己拿脚踹周易就庆幸不已。要低调、要中庸、要守规矩知进退,古人诚不欺我啊
可问题是,这红娘可不是好做的,自己又该撮合哪一对儿呢
就在此时,一个浑厚苍劲、充满了西北信天游的味道,却咋听咋不靠谱上道儿的声音忽然自身边响了起来,把毫无心理准备的周易都吓了一哆嗦,我的妈,这谁啊
回头一看,二癞子正瞪着眼、挺着胸、一脚踏船头、两手抄裤档,正张开大嘴吼着他瞎编胡造、荒腔走调的一求偶歌曲。
“妹妹你坐炕头啊癞哥哥俺心里头愁啊,多少次走到你的窗下头你揍是不上俺的炕头哦哦哦哦哦”
就这一句,周易差点没笑喷了。还得说是艺术来源于民间啊。别看人家二癞子平时一副彪呼呼的样子,这歌词儿编得也没啥内涵,既不知道歌颂祖国,也不知道热爱人民,却还真是透出一股大俗既是大雅的味道来,也不知道他是咋琢磨出来的。
二癞子刚开始唱时,还有些畏畏缩缩地,一旦开了头儿,就越唱脸皮越厚“早揍跟你说好喽啊你说要等月亮上到中秋哦如今这月老娘上了俺的头啊,你啥时候才上俺炕头哦哦哦哦哦”
轰
刚才对唱情歌的大男大女们全被二癞子这种死不要脸的精神给震撼住了。一个个都停了下来,安静了几分钟,才有人笑骂起来“二癞子,你这货又耍流氓了”
二癞子一缩头,刚想停下歌唱,周易却用手肘轻轻捅了他一下,忽然扬声道“俺怎么听着这歌挺好呢二癞子这才是真正的民间艺术呢,二癞子,继续啊。”
“是周医生啊周医生说是艺术,那就不是耍流氓了”
几个村儿的大男大女深以然。周医生这么大的知识分子都这样说了,那指定错不了一些被二癞子搔动了心思的姑娘来听的满脸通红,都不好意思再听了,有了周易站在理论的高度加以指引,这下可算有了继续被流氓的心理依托,一个个神情肃穆的就像是准备接受艺术洗礼的资深乐迷,比唯也拿都唯也拿。
二癞子有了周易撑腰,也豁出去了,猛地扬了个高音“魏淑芬,俺问你你啥时上了俺炕头哦哦哦”
哗这下乐子可大了。魏淑芬羞得捂着张俊脸,差点一个猛子再次扎进剑马湖里去。刚才还只是一条右腿抽筋儿,可这会儿听了二癞子的真情告白,她感觉自己全身都在抽筋,有种如入云端的美妙感觉
可姑娘就是姑娘,虽然对二癞子这个救命恩人有了那么一些意思,魏淑芬还是没勇气当着这么多老乡的面与他效法古人深情唱和勾搭成奸,只是低着头,把一双小手搓来揉去,都省得去澡堂子搓灰了这个
“蒹葭苍苍啊白露霜”
就在二癞子和魏淑芬都动了心思,却还差最后一根稻草压垮爱情这匹骆驼时,周易知道是自己出手的时候了。
八级歌唱技能,意味着周易已经拥有了世界一流歌唱家的乐感和歌喉。这一开嗓,浑厚无比的男中音就仿佛无数根搔人痒处的电动辊辊,伸进了每个人的耳朵眼中
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