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那些鄙贱的,肮脏的,暗无天日的往事,如影随形,永不褪去。她说:&ldo;给我一个理由。&rdo;程景行说:&ldo;也许你爱上我而不自知。&rdo;未央笑,颔首道:&ldo;上个月看过一部电影,女主角说,这世上,人有三样东西是无法掩饰的:咳嗽,贫穷,和爱。&rdo;程景行说:&ldo;所以呢?&rdo;林未央看着玻璃外阑珊街道,只留浅浅侧影予他,轻声感叹,&ldo;咳嗽会痊愈,贫穷会脱离,爱?爱似黥首之刑。&rdo;细细他忽然感觉如鲠在喉,相同她说些什么,也许尽力去安慰,她眉间深切蕴含的灰暗浓雾,似化不开的愁,教他瞬时感染,如流感在空气中散播,他亦有苦楚绕胸,尽是不能言语的纷扰情绪。开口来,全是哑然。他的目光柔和,隔桌将她拥抱。未央低声呢喃,&ldo;这并没有什么,并没有什么。&rdo;她用三根手指捏着杯盖,一圈一圈,沿着茶盏摩擦画圆。小指不自觉微微勾一勾,像是在勾他的心。程景行许多时候总是重复同一个梦境,一扇门,一盏窗,白色的窗帘与枣红色的c黄。母亲一直在重复从c黄上爬起来的瞬间‐‐她揉一揉额头,掀开被子,路出紧贴身体的睡裙与白皙结实的小腿,她总是爱和女友们解释,因她跳舞才有这样结实的小腿。她已经十年不登台不练功,腿已经压不下去,脚尖也绷不直。那时候母亲早已经疯了,正因她疯了才把他当做死去的小四儿抱回来。她走来,抱起他说,小四儿,你有没有见到爸爸?父亲早已经不敢靠近她,也不送去疯人院,他还有几分慈悲心,怕她受欺负折磨,但更怕程家出了神经病,颜面无存。自从她用烟灰缸将父亲的脑袋砸出个血窟窿,他便令人开辟出一间华丽牢房,日日都有人看守,她偶尔犯病也被人治住,大家都相安无事。她每每见到他都有杀人欲,可她清醒些的时候总会问,你爸爸什么时候来呀?我种了葡萄,今年可以酿酒。谨言怎么还不来看我?新茶到了,他不来尝么?他最中意我泡的茶水。他不来,她便日日念与儿子听。其实她儿子也已经死了。但他总记得母亲说话时的神情,唇角微弯曲,剪水双眸凝雾含霜,最是一垂首的温柔。可她最终死在那张枣红色大c黄上,那天她不再揉一揉额头,拢一拢发,他去掀被子,望见一只翻裂见骨的手腕,血滋滋流了一c黄。谨言呢?谨言回来没有?我沏好了茶,我练了新字帖,画一幅三九梅花图,头发剪短了再留长,他怎么还不来?爱,不要同他说爱,爱是什么?一把杀人的利剑。未央微微低着头,看着茶杯中狭小澄黄的水面,轻声叹,&ldo;我有不祥预感,最终会泪流满面。&rdo;一场贪念,红尘万丈,入坠深渊。他听着,蓦地感动,或者说伤怀,还是她在感染他,两个人都患了病,要抱在一起死,这感觉似慷慨就义,油然而生英雄式的壮烈情怀。他握住她放在桌上的手,一点点捏她的指骨手背,她抬起头来看着他,一瞬间眼神的交汇,他觉得自己似乎应该说些什么,绵绵的情话或是殷殷的许诺,但全然脱不了口,这时面对起她来,他却是一句多话都说不了了。&ldo;手到底是怎么回事?&rdo;未央有些懊恼,想起前些天的事情,心有余悸。&ldo;因为在念夜校,回去得晚,有一次上楼时灯已经不亮,我害怕,握了刀子在手里,没想到真是倒霉到这份上,到门口时从后头起来一个男人掐着我的脖子,竟不是要劫财劫色,而是直接要将我弄死。我反手捅了他一刀,他将我推下楼梯,还要来杀我,可我手上有刀,他受了伤也不敢上前,最后捂着肚子跑了。&rdo;未央摊开手心说:&ldo;就是这样把骨头摔裂了,那一刀捅在脾脏部,也不知道那人是死是活。&rdo;她说得平静,程景行却听得心惊,皱眉道:&ldo;你住哪里?要好好查一查。&rdo;未央笑着说:&ldo;我后来又回戬龙城,并没有离你多远。&rdo;程景行道:&ldo;你看,外面的世界多可怕,早应该回来。&rdo;未央道:&ldo;我是不是应该感动得泪流满面?&rdo;他真把她当作城堡里的公主,忘了在遇到他之前,她曾经是旷野里开得最骄傲的一朵野蔷薇。但这样有什么不好?他要作一座山,给她庇佑,又有什么不好?她巴不得,应该心怀感激,终于不必迎风雨。

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