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突如其来的问题使我呆住,不作声了,爱他吗?这个问题问了自己好久了,似乎一直都没有很明确的答案,然而是真的没有答案,还是不肯去深究答案,是知人知世而难自知,还是惯于用自欺欺人的方式保护自己?&ldo;爱不爱我?&rdo;他又问,唇瓣用力压迫我的颈子。我幽幽轻语:&ldo;我已算是自私的人了,如风,你比我更自私。&rdo;&ldo;爱不爱我?&rdo;我被逼出了情绪:&ldo;你真要我死掉才甘心是不是?&rdo;&ldo;爱不爱我?&rdo;他搂着我轻摇,如同耍赖的小孩非要得到他想要的东西。&ldo;爱不爱我?&rdo;心头篷地萌生一份噬骨的悲哀,为自己也说不出的因由,我无声长叹:&ldo;是爱你。&rdo;一颗心明确交了出去,就像风筝被扯断了线,再也无法收回。&ldo;再说一遍。&rdo;他似是心满意足,停下了所有动作。&ldo;爱着你,不知道从什么时候起,总之就是爱上你了。&rdo;他动了动,又安静了。望着空无一物的天花板,只觉刚刚凝聚起来的勇气正在一丝一丝流失,舔舔干涩的唇,我慢声说道:&ldo;如风,放我走,好吗?如你所要的,我爱上你了‐‐我再无法以平常心态去看待你的不能专一。也许是潜意识害怕你会舍我而去,一直都逃避这个问题,总以为睁只眼闭只眼就可以相安无事,而到事情真正临头的那一刻,才发觉原来自己很在意,很在意,我‐‐根本无法承受。我要我的丈夫无论是心是身都完完整整地只属于我一个人,正如我自己是完完整整地属于他。&rdo;我停下来喘口气,他不哼声,安静的异样。我叹了口气,继续道:&ldo;你硬将我留住毫无意义,惟一的结果就是你会看着我的健康一天比一天枯萎,而我的灵魂也会一点连着一点死去,我不会不吃饭,不会不睡觉,也不会以狂轰滥炸的学习或者放肆的夜生活来麻痹自己,更加不会寻死,但是只要不在你身边一日,我就会憔悴一日,你真要亲眼看着我一天天消瘦下去乃致形销骨立吗‐‐如风,如风?&rdo;我竖起耳朵,他轻轻的均匀的呼吸声几不可闻,原来不知在什么时候就已睡着,我一番苦心的说词竟是白白说给了空气,怎么就有这样的人‐‐悲伤之余又是想哭与想笑。☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆手指轻微的刺痛使我从半梦半醒之间转向清醒,护士收起针管和空瓶子,轻声道歉后走向门口。刚把房门拉开,她却转回头看我,我抬高手示意她让访客进来。是那位女子。我指指如风,他的气息仍旧有规律地拂我的颈项,她安静地合上门,我打手势请她到c黄前坐下。&ldo;我昏迷了多久?&rdo;我放低声音,虽然仍然虚弱,休息之后却感觉精神好多了。&ldo;两天一夜。&rdo;我苦笑,先是超过二十四小时粒米未进,又在糙地上睡熟着了凉,再来一个二十四小时只扒了半碗米饭,自己罚跪了一个上午,还被如风那样惊吓一番,我不晕倒才不正常。&ldo;你是‐‐&rdo;我面对她的身份很好奇。&ldo;事情说穿了非常简单,我叫童曦,儿童的童,晨曦的曦,是如风母亲最小的妹妹。&rdo;&ldo;雨盈的小姨?!&rdo;我低叫,仔细端详她,确和雨盈有五分相像,不禁颇有感慨:&ldo;这世界说小不小,说大却也真够大。&rdo;&ldo;朋友托我给连华带了份礼物,所以一下飞机我就直接去了她那儿。但又因为晚上还有重要的约会,直到第二天中午我才挪得出时间去看望大姊,刚巧方澄映和方澄征都在,雨盈怎么也找你不着,便对我数落你的不是,随手抽出相册翻给我看你的照片,这一看可不得了,想起你前一天的决定,偏偏苦于和连华联系不上,当时如风又不在家里,我一时失了方寸,结果‐‐&rdo;她歉然地朝我笑。我也跟着她笑。那天在气苦无望之下我玩心大发,硬缠着连华磨来一套修女袍过一过瘾,没想到却差点把大家吓个半死。童曦看了看仍在沉睡中的如风:&ldo;你晕倒时连华刚好说出你只是一时淘气,你没看到他当时的样子,简直就是想大开杀戒,还好不是在古代他会懂得内功,否则连华的修道院肯定不保。&rdo;我张大嘴巴:&ldo;我是不是该庆幸自己晕倒得及时?&rdo;否则首当其冲会成为他发泄怒气的靶子。

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