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然后,赤脚站在光亮的地板上,她忽然捂住脸,泪水从指间滑落:&ldo;夏丰总是说,每天做好家务,照顾好家庭和孩子,做男人最强大的后盾,这就是一个女人最大的幸福和快乐。……为什么这种幸福我偏偏感觉不到呢?&rdo;彩虹吃惊地看着她。不敢相信一个女人结婚后会被男人改写成这样,只得抚慰:&ldo;韩清,在这世上幸福和感觉属于自己。没有谁可以替你定义幸福,也没有谁能决定你的感觉。&rdo;她被这话里深藏的理想主义吓到了。其实她自己又何尝不是生活在一个充满定义、充满判断的世界里呢?体会不深,只因为尚未进入。如果她嫁了人结了婚,日子也许过得和她没什么两样。也许这就是关烨老师独身主义的原因吧。不想陷入就不要介入。16一个小时的课,季篁准时回来了。坐在沙发上,他用十五分钟时间将彩虹的论文重新看了一遍,用绿笔做了几个记号。沙发不大,彩虹不好意思坐过去,觉得太亲热。更不好意思隔桌而坐,像是接见学生,毕竟还是求人家帮忙,还是要谦逊点儿。思来想去,索性将椅子搬出来,搬到沙发旁边,和季篁面对面地坐下来。谈话肯定不轻松,可能意味着新的较量。那次会议的几问几答,他们似乎杀个平手,到底年轻气盛,季篁不服气地追下来了。现在,他终于有机会找回场子了。彩虹还在心底打鼓,发难开始了。季老师:&ldo;何老师,论文里你不停地说&lso;主体&rso;、&lso;个体&rso;和&lso;自我&rso;三个词,请问它们所指何义?有何区别?能否具体解释一下?&rdo;高手就是高手。彩虹第一时间窘掉了。她以为他会问张爱玲的叙事手法,问她小说中独特的空间构成,或者,至少问一下张氏的爱情观或亲情观。这些彩虹全在行,怎么都能说个头头是道。可是,彩虹有彩虹的毛病:知之甚切而改之甚难。和很多刚入行的年轻老师一样,彩虹喜好时髦的术语:&ldo;解构&rdo;、&ldo;后现代&rdo;、&ldo;能指&rdo;、&ldo;宏大叙事&rdo;、&ldo;细读&rdo;、&ldo;厚描&rdo;、&ldo;陌生化&rdo;、&ldo;戏仿&rdo;&ldo;文化资本&rdo;、&ldo;符号暴力&rdo;……动不动就要拿进论文里说事儿。她对抽象归纳更有偏好:&ldo;美是理念的感性显现&rdo;‐‐瞧瞧,人家黑格尔说得多好、多凝炼啊。脑子用力挣扎了几下,彩虹舔舔干燥的嘴唇,兵临城下只好水淹七军,虽然心虚,声音要高,调子要足,学术辩论就是打排球,打过来你扣回去:&ldo;&lso;自我&rso;指的是人潜意识的那一面,也就是欲望的层面。&rdo;&ldo;同意。&rdo;他说,&ldo;主体呢?&rdo;&ldo;主体和个体是一个意思,就是指自我。&rdo;她两手一摊,&ldo;论述的时候我不喜欢重复用词,所以就变着花样儿说了。&rdo;季篁看着她,叹了一口气。&ldo;嗳,你叹什么气?&rdo;&ldo;虽然我的专业是文学理论,而你的专业是文学……欣赏,咳咳,从大方向上来说,我们也算是同行。&rdo;&ldo;完全同意。&rdo;&ldo;那我就不说外行话了,行吗?&rdo;&ldo;啥意思?&rdo;彩虹小脸粉红了,&ldo;刚才我说的话是外行吗?&rdo;&ldo;这样吧。我先问你,主体的英文是什么?&rdo;&ldo;subject。&rdo;&ldo;subject在语言学上的解释是‐‐&rdo;&ldo;主语。&rdo;&ldo;主语在一个句子里的首要功能是‐‐&rdo;&ldo;引导动词,是动作的主人。&rdo;&ldo;很对。那么你说说看,主体是什么?&rdo;&ldo;人的行动能力,人对自身经验能够清晰阐述的能力。&rdo;&ldo;那么,回头过来,个体的英文是什么?&rdo;&ldo;dividual。&rdo;&ldo;我们常说,要相信集体的智慧,不要搞个人主义,是指的什么?&rdo;&ldo;嗯……&rdo;彩虹眨眨眼,&ldo;是指一个人不能以为自己什么都行,凭一己之力就可以把事情办得很漂亮。&rdo;季篁又叹了一口气。&ldo;怎么,又错了?&rdo;&ldo;没错,就是缺乏理论深度。换一种说法,换一种说法。&rdo;&ldo;个体是指一个人对自我行为和心理动机的一种理想的、浪漫主义的阐发。有时阐发得过了分,不符合实际,那就成了个人主义。&rdo;

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