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萧进默默地面向著陈之远走的方向,轻轻地摇了摇头。「他那样对你,你还是舍不得他?」「他是我真心的爱过的人,怎麽能忘得了。」萧进喃喃了一句,垂在身边的手越握越紧,直到骨节泛白他也不放开。有的东西一旦放手就会失去,萧进已经失去了太多,他所唯一能留下的只剩爱过的回忆。「不过有些人有些事就算忘不了也得忘了,我懂的。」萧进回头对龙呤笑,无奈又坦白。陈之远在车後座上一直没回过神,他眼前不断地看到双目失明的萧进是怎麽落魄地站在自己面前,又是怎麽低声下气地哀求自己。胸口除了闷就是痛,陈之远摸烟想点,手却不听话地抖了起来。「自杀,他就这麽想死?不想看到我才是真的吧,他没爱过我,我凭什麽还要爱他!去你的……萧进!萧进……」他一个人在车座上就骂了起来,最後言语之间竟隐隐带著哭腔。在爱情上,他付出过,付出了很多,可得到是回报却是伤害。没人能坦然面对伤害,陈之远也不能。他现在使劲各种手段报复萧进,与其说是为了自己而报复,不如说是为他付诸东流的爱在报复。有句话说得好,爱一个人有多深,恨一个人就有多深。可是走到这一步,陈之远也不由地问自己,难道他真地想萧进死吗?他不想,他真地不想,可是他心里难受,他恨,恨对方践踏自己的一片真心。他曾对萧进说过,要是有一天萧进死了,他就自由了。那时他还只是把话当著玩笑说出来,可现在,陈之远觉得自己的确应该自由了。那个他爱过和爱著他的进哥不早就死了吗?陈之远终於平静了下来,他不再去想萧进的脸,也不再去想萧进的伤,只是茫然地闭上了眼。因为自己的事也忙,把萧进送回家後,龙呤就走了。临走时他留了点钱在萧进手里,叫他先用著。萧进虽然不想受以前道上的人太多恩惠,可是又怕拂了龙呤的面子,也就收了下来。「真是麻烦你了。」萧进客气地道著谢,憔悴的脸上谨慎地笑著。「我也帮不了你多少,坤爷对你的事还是耿耿於怀的。总之,你可别再寻死了,为陈之远那种混帐不值得。」龙呤眼见著当年在帮里何等威风的萧进落到今天这副下场,感慨之余也只有无奈。他拍了拍萧进的肩,一提到陈之远仍免不了生气。「我不会再做傻事了。我要是死了,谁来给我爸送终呢。」萧进给说得挺尴尬的,点著头应承龙呤的话。他当时以为自己大概是从警局里出不来了,早晚都会被人整死在里面,反正都是死,还不如自我了断来得痛快些。每天的殴打和侮辱,直逼得萧进神智不清。他现在还记得的是,他偷藏了把饭勺,趁人不注意就磨,当时他脑子里什麽都没想,连陈之远都没想,就想死。被发现自杀後救了一次,挨了顿打,萧进不甘心,又继续找机会自杀。第二次用的是玻璃片,这是他在地上捡到的。等他在自己手腕上划下去的时候,他以为自己终於可以解脱了,可谁知道一直有人看著他,他一出事就给送去急救,结果还是第二次没死成。他不知道自己想自杀是不是为了陈之远,他只知道每次被人打得痛昏过去的时候都会梦到陈之远,最後都是流著泪醒的。毕竟,这个人是他这十几年来,点燃在心中唯一的温暖,就算逼到绝路,他也难以忘怀。就算是幻影,他也总得给自己留一抹可以依托的情感。年关就要近了。街上渐渐热闹了起来,连路边的街灯上也挂上了大红灯笼,整夜整夜地亮著,把整个城市照得亮闪闪暖洋洋的。陈之远家才装修好没多久,下面和他亲近的几个兄弟都闹著要去他家过年。说得好听些,混黑社会的大多是些浪子,有的漂泊在外,只身混迹江湖。陈之远也是那种人,等他爸妈一死,他也就离家出走了,一直到这儿慢慢混出名堂,扎下根来。看兄弟们都有意思,他也不想扫兴,这大过年的,总还是要高高兴兴地去过才好。「阿浩,三十那天来远哥家过节,别忘了。」陈之远从酒吧里出来,看著在门外玩手机游戏的阿浩,走过去招呼了声。阿浩受宠若惊地抬起头时,陈之远已经走出去了。阿浩觉得自己好像又看到以前那个待人真心的陈之远,只是现在他一个人离开时的背影看起来是那麽寂寞。
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