第一章 童年与爱（第2页）
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在他们眼里，我成了小黑分子，得到的是冷眼相待，再也没有对我的羡慕眼神。
我委屈地流泪跑进家里。
“妈，爸去哪儿了，我好想爸爸。”
“爸会回来的，我们要好好活着等他回来……”
母亲却抱住我痛苦，而我却不知她为何要哭。
过完新年，妈卖掉了房子，带我回到镇里，为了生计，用卖房子的积蓄在镇东头开了家杂货铺。
日子一天天的过，我上了初中。
许多老男人来到杂货铺，咸猪手都会伸向母亲。
后来隔壁开旅游公司的刘大强为母亲出头，揍了几个老男人，不少流言蜚语传进了我的耳朵。
某次学校在周五组织活动，放学早，我比平常提前一小时到家，听见里屋像是女人在尖叫。
“妈，你……你们……”
当我掀开帘子出现在里屋，看到刘大强把母亲压在身下。
我被惊住了。
“我要杀了你。”
我登时怒吼着攥紧拳头冲上前，恨不得杀了他。
他们停止了动作，刘大强回头望来，我抡动拳头已经到了他面前，而母亲则惊慌失措地大喊着叫我住手。
刘大强的胳膊比我的大腿还粗，我的拳头还没打在他脸上就被他抬手捏住，宛若被一块铁板给挡住。
“小硕还只是孩子，你……你别跟他一般见识，我会做好思想工作，要不你……你先回去？”
母亲起身拉了拉刘大强的衣服，脸上写满了惶恐和慌乱，竟有些不敢跟我的眼睛对视。
我呆住了，母亲自愿的？
“嗯。”
刘大强点头，松开我的拳头，起身离开。
我凝视衣衫不整的母亲，死死攥进拳头，愤怒、不解、压抑填满我的心，爬上了脸颊。
“为什么要背叛老爸，为什么？”
母亲抬起头，当看到她那苍白的脸，我忽觉心头一震，两行泪水顺着她的脸颊滑落，凄然而又悲凉。
“妈只是为了活着，活得更好，一直都不敢跟你说，杂货店快坚持不下去了……”
说着，她掩嘴哽咽起来，看得我一阵心酸。
如果，我能撑起这个家，她就不用……
恨我无能，恨我太小，恨我还做不了男子汉。
“妈，我……我……”
我攥紧拳头，却不知要说些啥，骂她不贞？说我能照顾这个家？
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