番外二 作者君的奇怪快递（第2页）
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快递小哥抓狂了：“大哥！我就是一送快递的！你赶紧把邮件签收就得了？您这是干嘛呀？拍警匪片？光天化日郎朗乾坤的哪有人要抓你呀！大哥您这入戏太深了！”
作者君摸了摸后脑勺：“啥？你不是国安的呀！”
“我就是一送快递的！我明白了！大哥你是把我当抓人的了！吓死我了！我还以为碰见精神病了呢！诺，这是你的包裹，是一个小件。。。把名字签在这里就好。。。好，谢谢大哥！”快递小哥麻利的让作者君把名字签了之后，扔下包裹就走了。只剩下满脸哔了个狗的作者君。。。作者君感觉天地间只剩下了他和从他面前一骑绝尘奔腾而过的一万匹草泥马！
“躺羊驼（卧草泥马）！这丫真的是送快递的！我搞乌龙了！我的天！刚才我是不是跟老妈诀别了？是不是跟暗恋的女生表白了？我的天！夭寿了！”作者君心里哀嚎道。
时间仿佛停止了脚步，只剩下作者君在风中凌乱，还是打字姐的声音吵醒了我：“喂！赶紧更新啊！别在太监了！”
作者君讪讪的卷起风衣，踏啦着拖鞋慢吞吞的走回了屋里。
打字姐问道：“谁的包裹呀？”
“不知道哎。。。先拆开看看吧！”作者君手脚麻利的拿起剪刀把胶带层层缠绕的快递拆开，满头冷汗的看着包裹里的东西。
话说这快递里的东西那叫一个奇特，有诗云：
四四方方一寸长，
冷光森森放寒芒。
幽幽利刃两侧长，
短兵之中它最强。
作者君嘿然无语，感叹道：“谁特么邮的刀片？”
眼尖的打字姐从快递盒子里取出了一封信念了起来：
“尊敬的杨儒鸿先生，我是你的忠实读者。我非常喜欢你现在的新书。。。”
作者君得意洋洋的挑了挑眉头，示意打字姐接着念。
“可是，你的人品实在是太差了！第一本书你就莫名其妙的太监，第二本书、第三本书。。。没有一本坚持到了最后，我觉得作为一个忠实读者，我有必要提醒您一下。。。如果一个作者总是太监的话，他会真的成为一个太监。。。所以我提前为您提准备好了自宫的器械--刀片！如果您不想使用它的话，那么请准时的更新，保质保量的更新，否则的话，我们的读者的愤怒会化作漫天刀片阉割掉您的老二。。。”
作者君神情纷纷，支吾道：“又不是我想太监的。。。作品没读者、没打赏、没收藏、没推荐、没签约、没订阅不太监留着干嘛？”
打字姐风情万种的白了作者君一眼：“看到没有？总太监遭报应了吧？被人寄刀片了吧？看你还太不太监了！”
作者君对打字姐道：“那啥，你把手机拿出来。。。我要跪着跟读者道歉！什么时候我的收藏破一万了我就把这视频放出来！”
ps。视频真有，想看就看你们的了！（未完待续）
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