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云毓握起筷子，要把肉片往我这边的一个碟子中夹，我道：&ldo;不必客气，请自己用罢，我方才刚吃过两顿饭，眼下什么也吃不下，不能相陪了。&rdo;云毓握筷的手悬在半空，顿了顿，收回去，这才吃了一片肉，再倒了杯酒，又是一饮而尽。我看他好像吃得很痛苦，忍不住问：&ldo;味道合适否，是不是盐放多了？&rdo;云毓摇头，表情却依然有些痛苦。我于是往正烤的肉上少放了些佐料，云毓还是看着我烤，总算又开了口：&ldo;你去了塞外？&rdo;开始问我这两年的行踪，这算是上正题了吧。我道：&ldo;去过。塞外风光甚好，碧草连苍穹。&rdo;用筷子敲敲铁架，&ldo;这个玩意儿就是从塞外捎回来的。&rdo;云毓终于笑了笑：&ldo;你都做些什么生意。&rdo;我据实相告：&ldo;小本买卖，这里捎些东西到那里卖，皮草药材之类都做过。是了，阁下是不是来和我谈买卖的？&rdo;云毓又不说话了，我再把烤好的肉添到他盘中：&ldo;时辰已不早，雨下的大，阁下有事不妨直说，免得回去时不方便。&rdo;云毓的声音也显得很虚弱：&ldo;我前来这里，没什么别的用心。只是……只是过来看看。&rdo;我佯做疑惑道：&ldo;这像说笑了，阁下想看什么。&rdo;云毓抬眼看我，按了按额角，苦笑一声：&ldo;是，我竟然还过来，还坐在此处，还有吃有喝，还说笑，当真没有脸皮。&rdo;我道：&ldo;怎能这么说，在下只是微有些诧异。阁下即使不相告来意，登门即是贵客。不过，夜真的已经深了，不知接阁下的人几时前来？&rdo;云毓看向我道：&ldo;明天早上。&rdo;举一举酒杯：&ldo;既然今夜我还是客，索性叨扰到底。&rdo;他耗着不走，到底想做什么。我和他当年那点情分全是假的，他肯定不会念着这个来和我叙旧。大约是钦差大人事务繁忙，只好连夜探我虚实。云毓一杯连着一杯灌，脸色却依然煞白，一点红色都没有。我有些心疼他，他一心为了启赭，一直拿命来拼，做人不能太辛苦，还是要多为自己着想。羊肉是个上火又难克化的东西，晚上喝多酒更无益。我把最后几片肉放进云毓的盘中，收了铁架，拨火烧水。剩下的酒差不多被他喝光了，云毓握着杯子又看着我发呆。我舀水洗铁架，云毓起身走到水盆边，似是想帮忙，袖子还没挽，手就往水中伸，我连忙拦住道：&ldo;阁下不用客气，我做就好，哪能让客人洗。&rdo;云毓仍欲碰铁架，我再道，&ldo;一看阁下就没做过这种活，估计洗不干净。&rdo;云毓这才缩回手，立在水盆边不动，我再让他回去坐，他方才回椅子上坐了。洗干净烤肉架，水开了。我想起早上还剩了小半锅白粥，端到炉子上热了热，给云毓盛了一碗，晚上寒气重，又吃了那些东西，需要拿碗清淡的热粥镇一镇。别云钦差因此病了，我又多一项罪。趁着云毓喝粥的工夫，我拿大壶烧上洗澡水，再去找出一套干净衣服：&ldo;阁下的衣服湿了，不好穿着过夜，权且换一换吧。&ldo;云毓倒配合，我说了他就照做。等洗澡水好了，我让他先洗，他就先去洗了。正好他沐浴完，我这里锅碗瓢盆也都洗放妥当。云毓换了干净衣服从屏风后出来，又呆站着不动，他原本身量和我不差什么，现在换了我的衣袍，更显出瘦得厉害，几乎像是一根竹竿挑着衣衫，空荡荡轻飘飘的。大约正因如此，才不见了以前的精神。我道：&ldo;时辰不早，要是阁下真没有要紧事待说，请先就寝吧。&rdo;他来探虚实，又不肯开口明着问，总不能干睁着眼睛耗到天亮。云毓向床那里看了看。我本来只有这一张床，而且不大，我和云钦差更不方便共寝。万幸前两天白如锦另送了一件家具给我。我便向云毓道：&ldo;阁下请先到床上休息，我还没洗漱。&rdo;云毓再分别看看我和床，走到床边坐下。我端了壶沏好的茶水搁到床前的桌上，再告诉他夜壶和马桶的位置。等我配好洗澡水向里间看时，云毓已躺下睡了，宽下的外袍放在椅子上，折得整整齐齐。待我洗漱完毕，再向里间看，云毓在床上安静地躺着，不知睡着了没有。我不由得想叹气，这样夜晚灯下有人陪着，床上有人伴着，我曾心心念念。可惜总是一场空。
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