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我润了润唇:&ldo;好笑的是有一回我把上面的横杠删得一道不剩,而最近的一次却连夜把整个本子画满为止。&rdo;&ldo;打击再大有一天也会过去,而一旦入了教你就永远无法退出,你不认为应该更慎重一些吗?&rdo;她流露出忧虑。&ldo;如果我告诉你,当一个念头在你的意识中反复出现,整整八年持续不去,八年后你要做那件事的强烈想法,已经到了你不能不去做它的程度,你认为有道理吗?&rdo;思路逐渐理出了头绪,我不知道是在告诉她还是想说给自己听,&ldo;也许多年来我一直就在等这样一个契机。&rdo;一个可以促使我最后下定决心的成熟的时机,我慢慢坐起来,似乎是想通了,却又似乎是若有所失。&ldo;这个根本不成问题。&rdo;八年前我就想好了要她答应的办法,&ldo;如果我在她面前把两只手腕的静脉都割开,你说最后她会不会答应?&rdo;她震惊不已,继而是更深的忧虑:&ldo;你当真这么决定了?&rdo;二十一年对&ldo;一生&rdo;而言或者很是短暂,然而女人的一生除了还未结婚生子,还有什么我未经历的?在大喜大悲之后,对生命的爱恨嗔贪怎么可能会不看淡。&ldo;事不宜迟,明天我就加入嬷嬷的行列。&rdo;虽然不想承认,我知道我有一半是在赌气,母亲不能留在世上陪我,如风‐‐不在乎我,我不相信连最疼我的嬷嬷也不要我。那女子不以为然地看着我,&ldo;至刚易折,你太固执了。&rdo;心头微震,记忆中有谁也曾说过我固执?她看看表,站起来拍拍裤子:&ldo;我该走了。&rdo;说完却又蹲到我面前,用一种说不出来的深沉的沧桑目光看着我说:&ldo;请听我最后几句话,当你心里还爱着一个人时,你永远无法强迫自己去爱上任何别的男子,包括上帝。另外,你或许可以逼迫连华屈服,但你的任性只会使她那余下的半生都在悔恨中渡过。&rdo;她站起来,&ldo;除非你承认自己软弱得一无是处,否则就不要一径地纵容自己逃避问题。&rdo;飘然而去。我扛着有些昏沉的脑袋再次躺下,对头那方墙檐上的天空兀自发呆。☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆肃穆无人的谧静的教堂里,我主耶苏在十字架上向世人呈献他永恒的悲悯的微笑。我穿着黑袍戴着修女帽,用无声的句子向主述说我的际遇,告解这许多年来的罪过。恳求他给我宽恕和指引。在圣坛前从早上跪到下午,我忘了时间,忘了身在何方。直到身后教堂的门发出&ldo;吱呀&rdo;一声,紧接着是一阵纷沓杂乱的脚步声,我听到一声尖叫,&ldo;潇潇!你不会真的‐‐&rdo;雨盈?!我惶惑地想起身,教堂一阵倾斜摇晃,我又扑在了地上,这才察觉双腿因跪压过久而剧烈麻痹,脑袋晕眩得十分厉害。我回过头去,迅即惊愕得都忘了要站起来。父亲、梅平、林智、冷伯父、冷伯母、雨盈、澄映和方澄征,还有昨天那位陌生的女子,一个个脸上都是震惊过度以致作声不得的神情。我被他们的阵势吓住了,而还没等我反应过来,雨盈已经&ldo;哇&rdo;的一声大哭起来,还跺着脚叫&ldo;不要!潇潇不要!&rdo;她没来由的哭喊弄得我手足无措,心头更加惶急,一时之间什么都说不出来。一阵清晰的脚步声响起,连华院长从里间走出来,紧接着另一阵清晰的脚步声响起,一道颀长挺拔的身形逆着光线从教堂门口大步走进来,似乎在那一刹教堂里有万千的幽灵飘过,空气里弥漫着令人心底发怵的阴寒。慌乱的众人下意识地退到两侧,腾出无阻拦的过道,一脸愤然的林智才站出来又被梅平紧攥了回去,雨盈在看见他的瞬间也不自觉噤若寒蝉。意识被强烈的恐惧慑住,我挣扎着从地上爬起飞扑向走到身侧的连华:&ldo;嬷嬷!&rdo;再快也快不过那人疾如鹰勾的双手,身子在下一瞬跌入他的胸膛,被震得五脏六腑都移了位,我狂叫:&ldo;嬷嬷!&rdo;&ldo;嬷嬷?!&rdo;紧继一声讥诮的森恻的冷哼,我的帽子被扯下,身上的长袍嘶声裂为两半,他抄起圣坛上的器皿砸向神像,与此同时将我拦腰箍离地面。我头脚朝下动弹不得,只听见&ldo;砰里磅踉&rdo;许多声巨响,夹杂着女子的惊叫&ldo;如风!住手!&rdo;却叫不住连绵震耳的&ldo;砰砰&rdo;声!当最后毁灭的响声嘎然而止,我被放了下来双脚着地。一只手抬高我的下巴,力道大得几乎要捏碎我的颚骨,那个从地狱最底层脱身出来的鬼魅唇边含笑,眼底却是薄薄的一层碎裂的寒冰。

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