憧憬和现实(第1页)
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周三,现在外面正下着雨,开学以来,这边隔三差五的下雨,说起这个就不得不佩服我上学期的先见之明,睿智的买了一双防御的鞋子,外圈防水,每次下雨天穿出去再也不用担心回来时鞋湿的问题了。
今天的可我没有认真听,迷迷糊糊的一上午,但是我当时丝毫不觉有的有什么羞愧,可能是脸皮练厚了吧,但是现在想想确实不对,来上学是来学知识的,尽管老师上得枯燥乏味,但是自己也应把自己的义务尽到。
现在已经是周四,昨天我让他失望了,也让我失望了,我让自己失望过很多次,每一次失望都会影响自己的心情,久而久之也会影响自己的性格。但是我也不太确定是否是自己对自己的要求太高了,如果我自己要求低一点,或者换个想法,就不会失望,也就不会难受。
算了不去想这些,,这些东西自己想着也不少,有啥用呢,有时候徒增烦恼罢了。
昨天洗澡的时候,隔壁的哥们用低音炮放着歌,很是带劲以前没发现洗澡的时候听歌这么不错,洗完澡,回来称了称自己的体重,现在是一百二十三斤,比以前瘦了许多,这段时间基本不吃早饭,有时候中午饭也只是应付一口食欲大不如以前,究其原因,还是因为自己消沉了,开学以来,自己还是调整不了状态,活的像一个行尸走肉一般,每天上课想下课,下课想吃什么,吃完就回到寝室打游戏,刷抖音,看小说。
想想高中的生活,每天上课不停,中午吃过饭回到寝室打一把王者就该午休,,晚上吃过饭就回到教室继续看书,晚自习结束,有时会和同学一起去学校外面买煎饼果子,或者关东煮,再带着满满的期待急匆匆的回到寝室,听着室友吹的牛皮,吃完之后就已经不早了,在看一会儿题目,或者看喜欢的小说,一天就这样过去了,那时候听着老师说大学的美好生活,心中充满着憧憬和希望。
进入大学,学校和自己理想中的似乎是一样的,但是又似乎哪里不一样,那种理想来到现实,失去了憧憬的加持,似乎完全不一样了。仔细想想,只不过是那时的自己对未来的期望太高了,而现实并不会因为个人而改变,现实永远是现实,冰凉,复杂,现实。现实的代名词就是现实,怎么想都有点无奈。
今天和陈走在上课的路上,陈问我是不是压力太大,我并没有承认,没有压力,但是很焦躁,我能有什么压力呢,但是我很焦躁,那是一种无能为力的焦躁,就像热锅上的蚂蚁,走不安坐不宁,我想我应该早点事做,人生需要一个锚点,用来固定自己的心,我该用什么来安抚自己躁动的灵魂呢,我暂时还没想好。
一会儿去跑步,;路上慢慢想,今天就到这里吧,晚安31820219:26:10PM
喜欢随缘的日记()随缘的日记。
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