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他神情自若地在那儿喋喋不休,说他如何察言观色揣测圣意,说他如何左右逢源八面玲珑,说他如何自保,如何媚主,如何欺上又瞒下:&ldo;落井下石、煽风点火、过河拆桥……那些你听过的没听过的,我都干过。&rdo;&ldo;原来户部的那位庞大人前些日子被流放岭南了,朝中的传闻是真的,他得罪了高相。因此,我也在里头掺合了一脚。&rdo;&ldo;云州的夏有常夏知府克扣粮饷,理应深究。他的姑父是高相旧交,我帮著递了几次话,最後大事化小,先把云州府的职免了,等风头过了再调往他处。事後送来了一箱子东西,呵,七七八八的,我也没细看。&rdo;他拉过严凤楼的手来,握在掌中笑盈盈地讲给他听。某年某月某日,收了谁的东西,拉了谁一把,瞒下了什麽事,用暗箭伤了谁。说得大声,笑得刻意,形容得夸张,&ldo;夸耀&rdo;两字赤裸裸写在脸上。坐在他面前的严凤楼半阖了眼静静地听,左手慢慢覆上他的手背:&ldo;说这些干什麽?&rdo;若是从前,他早就憋红了脸,怒气冲冲地相骂。顾明举把他的手紧紧攥进掌心里,一本正经地回答他:&ldo;让你知道,我这是活该。&rdo;他明明是不想让严凤楼心存愧疚。严凤楼扭头往床榻里看,枕边微微露出信封的一角。替顾明举更衣时,他袖中掉出了一封信。应当是一早才收到,所以匆匆看过就随手收进了袖里。当时房里乱做一团,严凤楼便替他压在枕下。信的内容严凤楼无意去看,连青州知府张雪松都已经知道的事,过不了多久就会天下皆知。&ldo;当前十万火急的事你不说,却字字句句都要跟我说当年。&rdo;当真是对这个叫做顾明举的男人束手无策了,严凤楼用力睁大了眼睛想缓解眼眶中的酸楚,学著他的模样把唇角微微翘起,&ldo;我说,那时候你跟我说的那些话,怎麽跟交代後事一样。&rdo;&ldo;我得了不治之症,御医说已经病入膏肓,恐怕不久於人世。人生在世,权势、名利、富贵,我顾明举该有的都有了,唯一遗憾就是你严凤楼。所以,我特地跋山涉水走一趟,专程来抱你。&rdo;&ldo;你胡说八道什麽!&rdo;他半真半假说笑,他哑著喉咙低斥。兀然寂静的屋子里能听到窗外呼啸而过的风声,顾明举坐直了身子,缓缓把手按上严凤楼的肩膀:&ldo;凤卿,我说的是真话。从五年前起,我就再也没想过,你会愿意跟我说话。&rdo;五年。对对错错,是是非非,单提起来,不过芝麻大一件小事,针眼般一句错话,桩桩件件叠到一起,归结结底,便是一句道不同,不相谋。他一心奔著蟒袍紫带,出卖同僚,攀附权贵,排除异己,无所不用其极,一路青云而上;他只向往著浊世清流,为生灵疾呼,为众生奔跑,为乡民请命,竭尽一切之所能,却一路遭贬。最痛心疾首的时候,他点著他的鼻尖责问:&ldo;顾明举,你还有什麽面目回南安去见你的师长,去面对至圣先师?&rdo;却换来他斩钉截铁的誓言:&ldo;我顾明举今生再不入南安便是了!&rdo;南辕北辙的目标,注定要背道而驰再不相见。严凤楼又何尝想过,自己随後便会调任南安,而这个早已绝交的故友会在一夕之间抛却苦心经营来的所有,背弃誓言再入南安。&ldo;你的那些作为,从前我厌恶的,现在还是不会赞同。&rdo;用手掌遮挡住他的眼睛,严凤楼的脸上透著几分决绝几分慨然。他一字一句慢慢说道,&ldo;只不过,过了这些年,我不会再那样指责你。因为,你有你的选择。&rdo;顾明举双眼颤动似乎还想说什麽,严凤楼帮著他翻过身,低下身附在他耳边道:&ldo;我就在屋子里不会走,那些事,等你醒了我再陪你慢慢聊。睡吧,别硬撑了,我知道你背上疼得厉害。&rdo;年轻的侍郎听话地闭上眼睛:&ldo;凤卿,那时候我是不是看错了?在巷子里,你抱著我哭了。&rdo;&ldo;嗯。&rdo;床边同样年轻的县丞正弯腰替他掖著被角,&ldo;你看错了。&rdo;&ldo;凤卿,你一直没有娶亲,是不是在等我?&rdo;&ldo;不是。&rdo;&ldo;凤卿,如果我不在了,你会不会想我?&rdo;&ldo;不会。&rdo;&ldo;凤卿……&rdo;&ldo;……&rdo;

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