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  我:“……”

  约等于没说。

  “桃酱想要做什么?”他凑近,声音就在我耳边。

  我正低头看手心里冰凉沉重的酒瓶,闻言随口道:“老师……”

  身后却沉默下来。我心下琢磨,总觉得乱步会马上大咧咧开口“清桃教人的话不会没有老师范吗?自己都很幼稚”那种话。

  我心里立刻开始打反驳的草稿。

  没想到他沉吟几声:“老师配侦探?”

  我把啤酒放进购物车。

  我扯扯他披风,乱步反应过来蔫蔫地搭上购物车把手,但是很快又支楞起来:“很配啊!”

  我冷静道:“不,怎么看都是一点关系都没有的吧。”

  乱步:“比如说学生逃课、学生没带作业撒谎、学生犯错死不承认……桃酱可以问我,我什么都知道。”

  他一脸我有用厉害的表情。

  我顺着他说的话构想了一下。

  ……

  学生理直气壮:“老师,作业我没带。”

  我沉默片刻:“你是根本没写吧,作业在你抽屉的最下面。”

  学生:“……”

  学生:“老师,体育课我不能上,我肚子疼。”

  我默默看了眼手机:“想逃体测是不可能的,顺便今天不跑下周继续。”

  学生:“……”

  学生吵架:“老师,明明是他的错,他巴拉巴拉巴拉……”

  我根本不用听他们狡辩推锅,立刻说出真相:“其实你们是巴拉巴拉巴拉吧?是你的错,别狡辩了,证据确凿,叫家长。”

  惹事的学生们:“……”

  从此,我被称作那个男友什么都知道的木野老师。

  ……

  我顿了顿,现……还挺好的。

  连忙清了清嗓子把话题拉回来:“那我买两瓶就行。你要吗?”

  乱步兴冲冲地将货架上的薯片一溜全塞进购物车。

  闻言说道:“我才不要,很难喝。”

  他顿了一下加了句:“普通喝一杯就够了,我不喜欢那个。”

  然后他悄悄将购物车里快冒出来的零食往下压了压,再塞了一袋。

  我目睹完一切,沧桑地想可能乱步是我带孩子的第一个经验包。

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