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蛋黄:私房甜甜猫的每集长度。霍改:……你无耻了。蛋黄:安啦,安啦,下一集给你俩个突飞猛进的契机。霍改:啥契机?蛋黄:你被流氓调戏,东方未明英雄救美。霍改:我嘞个去,这种狗血到烂大街的情节你要敢写绝对会被丢一头鸡蛋的,我身为主角演这种情节也很掉份儿啊!蛋黄:你个写肉文的好意思笑我烂大街,你个小白狗血文专业户?霍改:啥都不说了!走,我俩单挑。……(于是预告结束)救美乃纯属虚构&ldo;你这猫叫什么?&rdo;坑人坑得心满意足的东方未明很有闲心地过问起了龙套猫咪君。&ldo;叫起司,你可以叫他小起。&rdo;被人坑得心满意足的霍改抱起猫咪笑容满面的回答。&ldo;有何深意?&rdo;东方未明认真回忆相关典故。霍改拿下巴蹭蹭猫咪的脑袋,高深莫测地一笑:&ldo;像你这样对猫全无喜爱的人是不会了解的。&rdo;所以说,这小子果然还在记恨之前被打击的事吧……&ldo;其实我以前也养过猫。&rdo;东方未明冲着小猫友好地伸出手。&ldo;嗷呜&rdo;东方未明的手指再次被小猫很给力地狠狠咬住。霍改赞赏地摸摸起司的头,问道:&ldo;因为你总是被猫咬所以就不养了么?&rdo;东方未明脑袋上具现出一排黑线:&ldo;不是……&rdo;东方未明将手从起司口中抢回来,勉强弯了一下唇角,又终究归于平直。他靠在椅背上,眯了眼缓缓道:&ldo;十岁那年,我在胡同的角落里,看到了一只猫,瘦瘦的、小小的、好不可怜。于是我将其抱回去养了起来,锦缎为窝,鲜鱼为食,日日照料,不曾废离。后来……它跑了,我那时在后边儿追了很久,喊了很久,它还是跟着那只猫跑了,连半点迟疑都无。&rdo;霍改将手中的起司翻了个个儿,露出白白软软的小肚肚,埋头轻轻地挠摸。脸色颇为古怪‐‐所谓每一个鬼畜背后都有一段黯然伤神的往事,原来东方未明就是因为被一只猫给抛弃了,所以就进化为了两耳不闻人间情,一心只虐万千受的鬼畜么?喂喂,就算爷没有在原著里讲小明的家庭背景童年往事,这世界也没必要自我补全得如此狗血吧?这跟那个为了一个馒头从此就踏上反人民反社会道路的中二病少年有啥区别啊口胡!&ldo;也许你的起司也会在哪一天跑掉也未知哦。&rdo;东方未明看着仰躺在霍改膝盖上缩着小爪子,幸福地眯起眼睛的起司猫不无邪恶地猜测。起司扭扭腰,喵了一声,霍改乖乖地换了一边继续挠。&ldo;那就跑它的呗。&rdo;&ldo;你不在意?&rdo;东方未明捏起起司的尾巴,在起司眼前晃晃。小笨猫好奇地伸出爪子,冲着自己的尾巴抓啊抓,却总是够不到,于是盯着霍改可怜兮兮地喵喵叫。霍改拍开东方未明的手,将毛茸茸的尾巴送到起司嘴边,让它咬着玩(喂喂!)。霍改抬起起司的小屁股,让它咬尾巴咬得更方便些,笑眯眯道:&ldo;就像起司会乐此不彼地抱着自己的尾巴咬一样,它也不会明白一个主人于它而言有何意义,我跟一只笨猫有何可计较的?&rdo;被霍改衬托得好比一幼稚小朋友的东方未明默默无言,作为一个在童年时期跟猫较真了很长时间的鬼畜,他深深地,郁卒了。&ldo;其实,它若是离开我也许会活得更好也说不定。&rdo;霍改迟疑了一下,低声道。&ldo;何出此言?&rdo;东方未明的耳朵猛然竖起。霍改低叹一口气:&ldo;我曾经养过金鱼,结果喂食的时候不小心把它们撑死了。我曾经养过乌龟,结果出了一次远门,回来后它就被耗子给吃得只剩壳了。我曾经养过小鸡,结果放养的时候,它不知吃了谁家的头绳,哽死了。我曾经养过狗崽,结果被马车撞了一下,好不容易救活,又病死了。你说,像我这种人,是不是不适合养宠物?&rdo;&ldo;……&rdo;东方未明只能对霍改的养宠血泪史表示默哀。&ldo;都不容易啊。&rdo;两人四目相对,不禁真情感慨。纯爱小说里,恋爱的第一步是互相交换日记,虽然这两只不写日记,即使写了日记那内容也必定极为恐怖。但这并不妨碍这两只将让对方了解自己幼年期的血泪史作为勾搭的重要步骤之一。尽管并不能保证透露的个人资料的可靠度,但起码不再像是炮友一类的猥琐存在了不是?&ldo;时辰不早,我该回去了。&rdo;霍改看了看天色,决定早点儿走,免得撞上哪位早到的客人,一不小心把自己给嫖了。
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