第65章(第1页)
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想到这儿?,白雪脑中忽闪过一瞬画面。
那是夕阳落幕时分,她手里?攥着两根刚打?断的藤条,急匆匆跑出弄巷。
在临近跨柯桥的梯坎边,终于找见满背伤痕的裴确。
她没有因为挨打?离家出走,只?是乖乖坐在那儿?,手放在膝盖上抵着下巴,另一只?手拿根小树枝,帮正运糖渣回家的蚂蚁扫开碎石块。
熙攘人群从身后?经过,她只?专注在自己的世界里?,灰乎乎的脚踝从长?短不一的裤腿伸出来,光脚踩在泥土坝上。
白雪记得清楚,那时自己内心的第一反应,是担心她的脚凉不凉,然后?责问自己,怎么会?有她这样的妈妈?连一双完好的鞋都未曾给孩子买过呢。
“发现王柏民习题册那天,我去找卫俊才,没想到你一直跟着我,听见警车响的时候牵着我逃走,我那时看着你的背影,忽然觉得时间过得真快,一眨眼,当初还盖着小枕巾睡在我旁边的小婴儿?,已在不知不觉间,长?成了独当一面的大人了,
“也是在那瞬间,我想通了。把我困在弄巷的从来不是你,是社会?对女人的规训,所谓贞洁缠成的锁铐,和没勇气面对失败的我自己,所以我才会?痛悔,试图改变过去。但你是无辜的。”
眸中泪光闪烁,白雪忽而弯了唇角,眨眼凝视着裴确,“再告诉你一个秘密吧?”
“再告诉你一个秘密吧?其实我早就不奢望当年,卫俊才为他儿?子偷换王柏民高考成绩那件事能有什么公平判决了。可他们当年也欺负你了对不对?我故意把这件事的真相告诉他,现在他家每天鸡飞狗跳,就当我做了件损功德的坏事吧。”
白雪很感激袁媛,也知道这么多年她真心实意对裴确的好。
可是当年那桩事,一想到她选择站在吴一成那边,仍旧忍不住连她也一起恨。
“那时他们和李雅丽一起气势汹汹冲进屋,拿着一个写了‘妇炎’的白色药水瓶递到我眼前,说?你现在学?坏了,在外面和男人不三?不四。我一点也不信,她是村妇,不认字,妈妈念过大学?,袁媛把那瓶子捡起来的时候,那几行?说?明我看得清清楚楚,
“他们的手段还是那么低级,想用?所谓贞洁困住你,但错的不是我们,哪怕被侵犯,你还是你自己,不缺少任何?东西的完整的你自己。只?是这样简单的道理,妈妈明白得太晚
“听见他们要让你嫁给吴一成后?,我浑身遏制不住地发抖,我很害怕,害怕他们像当年把我锁到江兴业床上那样对你,只?要一想到那个画面我想不到其他办法,我那时候多希望你出生是个男孩儿?,哪怕以后?长?成吴一成那种混账,也总比被欺负得好,
“所以我只?能剪了你的头发剪了头发能像小男孩儿?一样,我发疯,起码能吓吓他们”
大概是太长?时间未说?过这么多话,白雪的话音渐渐分散,稀释成空气,与寂静四周同归一处。
裴确盯着妈妈的双眸,仿佛看见夜空繁星,闪烁着坠进天际,沉沉闭阖。
那只?贴在她脸颊的掌心,也跟着缓缓滑落。
她大概是累极了,连平常的轻鼾声今天都没气力发出。
裴确动了动略微发麻的手臂,小心扯着被子一角,刚盖过妈妈心口时,听见她模糊话音:
“女儿?,真的对不起呀,除了这些,妈妈再没什么能给你的了”
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