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婉玉心中冷笑,脑中思绪纷纷,药力上涌,不由昏沉沉睡了。迷迷糊糊间做了一个梦。梦里她还年幼,不过六七岁光景,一日在书房对着爹爹将四书五经背得滚瓜烂熟,她爹爹喜得将她举起来道:“此等聪慧,男子亦不及也!”说罢又面带痛惜,摸着她的头怜爱道:“可惜是个女儿家,若是男子,博个功名在身,又何惧身残?”
梦又转变,转眼间她长到十五岁。在家中后园子里看书,忽而一阵风起,将她放在石桌上的几张花笺吹远,直刮到一双青皂靴旁,那人俯身将花笺拾起,看了一遍,而后含笑望着她道:“这是姑娘做的文章?真是好文采。”她抬眼望去,那男子十六七岁年纪,长身玉立,身穿雪青色长衫,风度翩翩。她素来深居简出,几乎不怎么见人,如今被这样清俊的人物一赞,脸儿瞬间红了,低着头,她素性淡然,但此刻不知怎的,心里头突然因为自己是瘸子难堪羞愧起来。
过了几日,她娘亲拉着她的手儿笑道:“我儿好福分,杨家派人来提亲了!那杨家大公子你几天之前在园子里碰见过,斯文儒雅的。我原本想着多备嫁妆把你嫁给个家世清白的读书人家便好,谁想还能结到这样一门亲,那杨昊之说,他就仰慕你的文章锦绣,满腹诗书……阿弥陀佛,看着你出嫁,我也便知足了……”她爹爹却皱着眉道:“那杨昊之风流自赏,他的事情我是有所耳闻的。我怕他此番攀亲不过看上咱们家世,英儿嫁过去受苦。”她垂下眼心中酸楚,只觉若是能嫁如斯俊伟丈夫,即便是凭借家世也无有不可。
梦境之中转眼间又过了一年。她怀了孩子,夫君恐她寂寞,便将她从小的玩伴柯颖思接到杨府小住,陪她说话。她因着天生残疾,故而身边没什么伙伴,唯有柯家的二小姐柯颖思自小陪着她一同说话,做做针线。如今柯颖思的姐姐又成了府里的二奶奶,与她成了妯娌,于是二人走动便愈频繁了。这一日她将下人打了,一个人清清静静的去书房看书,不多时便听外间传来推门声和脚步声响。只听她夫君杨昊之的声音道:“有话就这儿说吧,这里素来清静无人。”
柯颖思声音尖锐道:“杨昊之,我今日便要问你个痛快话儿!总说让我等,这如今要等到什么时候?爹爹已经给我定了王家那门亲,可……可我早就把清白给了你了!你个挨千刀的陈世美,你说,这可怎么办!”之后便是嘤嘤哭泣之声。一席话,直将她霹得五雷轰顶,整个人僵直成石头一般。
杨昊之温言软语道:“思妹妹,你我二人,是从小的情分,我对你的心你还不知道么?只是爹爹的意思,我不得不娶了梅莲英,如今她又有了孩子,在这节骨眼上,你我之事我自是不好提出来,你且等上一等吧!”
柯颖思哭道:“我虽是个庶出的,但好歹也是个大家小姐,如今都愿意忍气吞声的给你做二房,你又摆什么架子拿什么乔?那梅莲英不过托生得好,钻进了大户人家的正妻肚子,论相貌身段,女红手艺,在这一辈的女孩儿里我也算是个尖儿,她一个瘸子哪一点强过我来着?昊哥儿,我对你一片痴心,你万不能负了我!”
杨昊之柔情款款道:“思妹妹,我若负你便死无葬身之地,但眼下不是好时机,你且等上一等吧。”
屋外男女柔情蜜意,她缩在墙角里手足俱冷。成亲以来,夫妻二人相敬如宾,好似待客一般,她本以为夫君素性淡薄,原来原来,自己夫君一腔的柔情已尽数给了别人!若是早知道他有了心尖儿上的人,她断不会答应提亲!
她怔怔坐了良久,原先她偷看过几本才子佳人的话本,看罢曾痴想着与有情郎君长相厮守。原来,才子早就有了佳人,两人之间自有爱恨纠葛,她只是多余人罢了。忽然腹中剧痛,她捂着肚子,死死咬着嘴唇,竟一直忍到那对男女出门才摇着轮椅出门。她受此番刺激,孩子未足月便生了出来。杨家见是个男孩儿全府上下不由喜气盈腮,给她道喜的络绎不绝。她脸上笑着,心里却是苦的。
她的夫君每日都来探望她,只坐一坐就走。柯颖思得了风寒,他却一日之间探望五六回。她知道夫君来坐上一坐具是为了表面功夫,或许也因为心中可怜她——这一切只不过是她任性,无自知之明,妄想了檀郎佳偶,有此般下场也活该自作自受。
然而她又做妄想,现如今不如便装傻,蒙混过关,只作不知道那档子情事。孩儿都有了她又能如何?况且那夫君是她心心系系的人儿,她只要一心体贴,即便是个石头,揣在怀里也能捂热了,更何况人非草木孰能无情?自己又是他的结之妻,明媒正娶进来的,日子一长,夫君会念及她的好处,回心转意与她相守吧?
梦境又变了变,似乎又回到了昨日。她心绪忧闷,在府里荷塘边闲坐,命丫鬟去给她端壶茶来。就这片刻的功夫,背后忽有一双手将她直直推入荷塘之中!她腿不能动,只胳膊扑腾两下,看见柯颖思脸色煞白的站在湖边,心中顿时雪亮,呛了水连救命都来不及喊一声便沉入湖底。恍忽忽间身子越来越轻,竟飘到湖面上头。只见杨昊之对着柯颖思,满面通红道:“你疯了!人都掉下去了还不赶紧喊人!”说着便要纵身而入,柯颖思忙扯住他的衣袖道:“昊哥,你万不能救她!她知道是我将她推入湖的,若是将她救活,我便要见官了!”
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