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顾明举想了一想,最终摇了摇头:&ldo;我想说想做的都已经说过做过了。&rdo;&ldo;什么都不留下?&rdo;&ldo;我留下的东西,对他而言,反是祸端。&rdo;&ldo;至少让他有个念头,人死如灯灭,起初哭得死去活来,没过几天又转身改嫁的,我也见过不少。&rdo;人世间最看不破就是&ldo;现实&rdo;两字。一世深情换不了一碗薄粥。&ldo;不会的。&rdo;外头也不知是白天还是黑夜,顾明举感觉自己倦了,于是合上眼躺下,&ldo;他忘不了我。他会记我记一辈子。&rdo;话音未落,却又听他面朝着石墙一个人独自低语:&ldo;我倒希望他能忘了我,我死了不过一了百了,他心心念念地记着我才是痛苦。&rdo;顾明举吸了一口气,说:&ldo;我会舍不得的。&rdo;闭上眼后,他总会想起严凤楼。幻想中的严凤楼比先前在南安见到的胖了一些,精神也很好,面色红润,眼角含笑,想来晚上不会再苦苦不得安眠。那应该是奸臣顾明举死后三年的事,人们已经不再记得他这个曾经红极一时的顾侍郎,如果极力去回想,大约会在停顿一会儿之后恍然大悟:&ldo;哦,是当年那个狗官。呸,死有余辜!也不知被他搜刮了多少民脂民膏。&rdo;那时候的严凤楼应该成亲了,飘雪给他生了个大胖儿子。生女儿也很好,依着他们两人的样貌,会是个美人胚子。一家三口,严父慈母,找个午后坐在庭院里的花架下喝茶,花红柳绿微风习习里,念几阙诗词,弹几首琴曲,孩子笑着荡秋千,严凤楼弯腰为飘雪斜插上一支摇曳的步摇。琴瑟和谐,鹣鲽情深,其乐融融。在没有比这更完满,再没有比这让他安心入眠。眼角不自觉湿了,之前那般严苛的刑罚也不曾让他淌泪。嘴角却还止不住地上扬,翘着翘着像是能勾到眉梢。墙外星斗满天,墙内一夜好梦。三天后‐‐天佑二十五年冬,黄叶落尽,满城萧索。顾明举醒的很早,壁上的炭火烧得毕剥作响,模模糊糊地在黝黑的石墙上照出一个扭曲的影子。狱卒有心,特意为他打来一盆凉水:&ldo;去刑场看热闹的人不少,收拾的干净些总是好的。&rdo;囚服也是新的,洁白如雪,套上身还能瞧见一道道硬挺的折痕。顾明举沾着水拢了拢散乱的发丝,垂头打量自己:&ldo;快赶上我第一次穿官服的光影了。&rdo;栅栏外的狱卒忍不住笑:&ldo;待会儿还有酒送来,最后一顿总是最好的,您别亏待了自己。等圣旨一到,就得上路了。&rdo;顾明举坐在席上安静的点头:&ldo;这些事,我在外头的时候就听人说起过。&rdo;狱卒嗫嗫地说:&ldo;死到临头还能象你这样的,我见的不多。&rdo;天色应该大亮了,透过墙缝能看见外头煞白的光线。用手掌再一次压了压身上的折痕,顾明举奇异地觉得,自己又仿佛回到了当年的贡院外,挤在一堆雄心万丈的考生里,对着扑朔迷离的未来看不到半点征兆,意料中该有的惶恐紧张却都无从说起,内心恍如止水,宁和不见一丝涟漪。今昔对比,所不同的只是身边少了一个严凤楼而已。彼时,一贯镇定从容的严凤楼可紧张了,把拳头握得死紧,手掌心快被指甲扎破。顾明举看不得他这样伤害自己,泱泱的人群里硬把他的手牵过来。同窗了那么久,手牵手早已不是一两回,独这一回牵得心惊,指尖擦着指尖,酥麻得像是被雷电到了一般,一潭死水的心立刻被搅得风起云涌,&ldo;扑通扑通&rdo;的心跳大声得不像是他自己的。进贡院后松开手,两人的手背上俱是一个又一个的月牙样的红印子,也不知是谁握得太紧,也不知究竟是谁抓的谁。边回忆边等,这一生,样样都习惯了去抢去掠夺,唯独一个&ldo;死&rdo;字,竟然是要靠等,真叫讽刺。顾明举默默地想,人头落地后,人们若从他尚未合紧的眼瞳中看到严凤楼的身影,是否会惊异莫名?因为这个影子,几乎快要刻进他的双眼中了。自日升至月落,圣旨却迟迟未到。狱卒在囚室外低语:&ldo;大人,您怕是要绝处逢生了。&rdo;顾明举不说话,坐在墙下默默地用手指摩挲着一墙斑驳的刻痕,许是光线太昏暗,梳洗干净的脸上生生多出几分森然。掌灯时分,渊深的长廊由远及近传来匆匆的脚步声,而后在顾明举背后戛然而止。

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