第44章 死心(第1页)
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夜雨连绵,似乎没有要停下的迹象,雨夜里的脚步声更加清晰。
一步一步,沉重的步子,却坚定的走着。
竹苑里,灯火朦胧,纱窗倒影着坐在窗前的人,灯光勾勒婉约的影子,她正在持写字。
门口的人,占了好久好久,直到那人缓缓放下,他才拖着沉重的步子上前,走到了窗边的回廊上,全身的雨水都往下滴,很快就打湿了一片地面。
他看着窗上的影子,目光一瞬不瞬,透着贪念,哑声问道:“你现在是不是觉得我特别蠢?”
窗户被打开,穆九坐在窗前,夜风吹动了她桌案上刚刚抄好的佛经,她却没有去管,就那么淡淡的看着苏逸。
苏逸也望着她,有无数的痴缠眷恋,那双眼周围泛着猩红,有着受伤和狼狈,还有几分倔强。
穆九轻轻叹了口气:“如果我说实话,确实挺蠢的,不过不是坏事,你破釜沉舟闹了这一下,总比一直压抑憋着好,现在你可死心了?”
苏逸潸然嘲讽的笑:“所以,你不去看一眼,就是为了让我死心?”
穆九抬手拿过桌案边的酒坛,顺手抄了两个杯子,苏逸不进来她便出去,毫不介意地面的水,席地而坐,拍拍旁边的位置:“坐。”
穆九打开酒坛,立刻酒香溢出来了:“看在你这么失意的份儿上,请你喝我酿了七年的竹叶青,这可是最后一坛,喝完就没了。”
苏逸自嘲的扯了一下嘴角,还是坐了下来,拿起酒杯一饮而尽,辛辣入喉,差点儿没把他给辣到,转头看看穆九,同样一饮而尽,她却面不改色,哪个女子会喝这么烈的酒?
“我在这里纠结痛苦,可你却像是局外人似的。”
他破釜沉舟想要做点什么,可她呢?他当众求娶,已经算是表明心迹,而她身为他爱慕的对象,害羞没有,羞赧没有,连恼羞成怒都没有,只有平淡,平淡得让他心口的冲动都跟着冷却了下来,仿佛这只是他一个人的独角戏,这比任何拒绝的话语都来得清楚。
“你就一点儿都不在意吗?”
“你不说我是局外人吗?”穆九给他斟满,自己也倒一杯,目光看向雨帘后的夜幕:“很久以前,有人跟我说,‘穆九,你若是心中无我,就永远不要让我拥有,得到了却比得不到更痛苦,我不想连我最后的尊严都折在你的手里。’”
得到了却比得不到更痛苦,因为得不到她的情意吗?
穆九转头,清浅的眸子落在苏逸身上:“我欣赏你的才华,也欣赏你的容貌,但那跟情爱无关,我也不是那种会相夫教子的女人,或者说我们不是一个世界的人,你的才华和抱负,不该折在我这里。”
穆九拿起杯子对着他:“我们之间,如果你放得下,日后我可以请你喝酒,若是你放不下,那就留给时间吧,这杯酒祝苏大人纵横官场,平步青云,得偿所愿。”
“铿。”酒杯相撞,出清脆的声音,苏逸看着穆九喝得干脆,心中有撕裂的疼,他纵容有千般算计,万般谋划,可刚刚他的所愿,唯有一个她罢了。。。。。。。
然而感情的事情是两厢情愿,她若不喜欢,他。。。。。。。还能如何?
一坛子酒饮尽,酒意上头,滚烫驱散了他在雨中受的寒气,满身的暖意,低头看着依旧坐在地上的穆九,姿态肆意张扬,慵懒散漫中透着贵气雅致,很是无情,很洒脱,可偏偏却是他最爱的模样。
若穆九跟府中其他千金小姐一眼,也许就不足以吸引他,更别说为她做这般冲动的事情了。
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