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  太后却看得颇不是滋味。

  她沉顿了片刻,缓缓开口:“雪露,人生还长,你也还年轻……”

  “往后会生什么,会过怎样的人生,现在下定语,还为时尚早。”

  “就算你是皇室孀妇,也并不意味就没有可以重选择的未来。”

  相雪露听清太后的话后,怔了须臾,才摇头道:“姨母,怎么会呢?雪露若是寻常孀妇,或许可以有别的人生。”

  “但是嫁入了皇家,许多许多事,就变为了不得已。皇帝的祖训里原本有让皇族外媳殉葬之制,今上仁慈,废除了此律,雪露得以苟命,已属大幸,实不敢奢求过多。”

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  “至于其他的,更是从未想过,再者,经了一次姻缘,已是尝过世间甘苦,对寻常夫妇之情,再无期盼,余生侍奉姨母,祖父左右,已是幸之所甚。”

  见她如此情态,太后低叹了一口气:“雪露,你的人生还长啊……许多事情,说不准的。”

  “正如你所说的一样,许多事情,往往是我们现在无法预料的,但是又不得已去做的。”

  说到这里,太后便不再多说,只是和她随意闲谈了几句别的话,问候了她一番身体,便慢步回了寝宫休息。

  相雪露看着太后逐渐远去,略有些疲惫的身体,她说不出心里是什么滋味。

  回过头想想太后今天说的话,她觉得她好似想要说些什么,却又不好直说,只能这样欲言又止,模模糊糊,蒙上一层看不清的薄雾。

  ------------------------------------------------

  深夜,相雪露躺在宁寿宫西偏殿中专为她布置的房间里,周围的一切都合乎她心意,连熏香也是她喜爱的白兰香调,却辗转反侧,翻来覆去睡不着觉。

  心中总是无厘头地弥漫着一种不安,那个久久缠绕她的怪梦也一直未得到解决,化为心结存在心里。

  总觉得,在她看不见的角落里,有暗流在悄然涌动,平静的湖面下潜藏着太多的算计与危机,是她未曾知晓的。

  而她,好似正处在漩涡中心,无法决定自己未来的去向,化为了他人手中被操控的棋子,木偶,只能无助地随波逐流。

  这种无处不在,似有似无,却又找不到根据的直觉让她几乎一整晚都没有睡好觉,迷迷糊糊中闭了眼也只是浅眠,好不容易才捱到第二日清晨。

  相雪露用早膳的时候,头脑还有些晕,她甚至撑额胡乱想,那个怪梦虽然折磨人,但过后总能睡得很沉,第二日也不至于如此精力不济。

  早膳过后,有例行来问脉的太医,太医简单地一摸脉象,就告诉相雪露,她只是夜里心神不宁,才会睡眠不佳,只要能调整好心绪,就算是安神汤,也用不上。

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